i really miss you......

Today, i really..... trully..... miss you....
I begin try to forget you, piece by piece..... i really try.... i pray to God to let me forget you.
And thanks God you never know about my heart.
Sometimes when i saw people happy hugging their loves one, i envy them. 
I want to hug you or kiss you or whatever lover doing to each other.
But today from the first time since i saw you..... i didn't look at your picture in the morning.... but maybe your name pop up a little bit but i try to erase it in my mind.
I'm helplessly in love with you and thats make me suffer.
I don't want to feel that way, i don't want to feel the pain everytime i see your name pop up in my phone.
I can't bare this hurts anymore.
Its just to hurtfull enough knowing you hates me so much.
My heart really in pain knowing someone i loved so dearly then hates me so so much.
I wish God just take myblife and make this pain stop.
I can't look at your picture anymore.
Everytime i see that..... i feel the pain in my heart tearing me from inside out.
I fall in love with someone who hates me.
Maybe fate just playing with us or some god's just want me to be his toy.
I feel so alone in this mess up world.
Even that when you hates me i can't hates you.
Even when you destroyed me, i can't hurt you.
I just want you smile.... i want you save..... i want you to be happy.....
If hates me make you very happy then i pray to God to make you very very hates me..... if hating me make you smile...... then please hate me because i just want to see your smile..... i live for your smile and i love you in every posible universe that exist.

with love and pray
Joan Maria Louise Mantiri

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